My goal for this morning was to write for both this site and my RMT page. (Aside from the pile of stuff on the kitchen table, and the dishes in the sink and the bathrooms to be cleaned...)
Instead I found myself reading articles online, scrolling through my junk mail and staring into space with my mug of tea in my hand.
My partner & I took last week off together, (from my 'day job' as an RMT) with two goals for our vacation...spring clean the house, and have a getaway in Cape Breton. While we did accomplish a fair amount, and we had a wonderful time up the mountains...I couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to do MORE. Coming out of this vacation, with our cleaning unfinished (and therefore piles of clutter still plaguing me) and many of my probably unreasonable goals not met has left me feeling stuck. Especially considering the weather here in Nova Scotia has been tending towards the rainy-side, which always makes me feel like spending the day in bed.
Considering the circumstances, I really shouldn't be too hard on myself...it's not like I accomplished nothing! However, there's always that nagging voice in the back of my head that won't let me forget I'm 'supposed' to be productive ALL THE TIME! I try hard to set manageable goals for myself, in small enough steps that I feel like I'm accomplishing things, even if I don't get a whole project done in the expected time-frame. Still, I find myself falling into that age-old and somewhat cliche struggle that many women have in life. I feel compelled to take on most of the house-work due to the fact that I don't contribute as much financially to our living situation, which leaves me feeling either short on time and energy for building my business, or with a messy house and all the associated guilt from either outcome.
While I recognize that much of this angst is self-imposed by my own lofty expectations, this doesn't leave me with any better sense of what to do about it. Things have to get done, and it can be hard to figure out what to prioritize. I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling this. Whether you're female or male, I'm certain that at some point you have also experienced guilt because you prioritized your creative pursuits over something that would more directly benefit your partner/family/home. I'm also certain that many of you have procrastinated (as do I,) starting, working on or finishing creative projects by prioritizing other pursuits.
It can be even harder to find a work-life balance when your work is your passion...and especially when it's not exactly paying all the bills. The scary part is...you'll never know if your passion can pay the bills if you don't prioritize it! Some people are lucky enough to have their passions lead straight into well-paying jobs; although they still must dedicate their time and energy! While others of us have a less well-defined path. For those of us on those hazy creative paths, it can be hard not to be held back by your fear of failure and guilt over prioritzing something that isn't immediately (and potentially may never be,) profitable.
The only solution to this (that I can see,) is to focus on the things you do accomplish, and on the joy of the creative process. After all, you're not really creating to make money...in an ideal world you could give your projects away freely and still have shelter and good food. You create because you're compelled to, because creating brings joy, sanity and meaning into your life.